Embracing Authentic Emotions: The Dangers of Toxic Positivity

I think I grew up with what we now call toxic positivity—especially from my dad. It’s that subtle but persistent pressure to dismiss your negative feelings. The idea that, “There’s always someone who has it worse, so stop complaining.”

When I was sad, I’d be reminded:

“There are starving children in the world.”

As if that meant I wasn’t allowed to feel grief. Even when I lost someone I loved—an aging parent—I was told:

“They lived a long life. Others lost their parents too young. You’re lucky.”

This belief wasn’t just in my family. I saw it everywhere. People offered well-meaning but minimizing responses like: “Don’t worry.” “It’ll all get better soon.”

The Impact of Minimizing Responses

We think we’re easing their pain. But what we’re really doing is telling them to skip over it. As I became more curious about psychology and emotional health, I realized: This isn’t healthy. Suppressing feelings doesn’t make them disappear—it buries them. And what gets buried often resurfaces in our bodies as stress, illness, or burnout.

Welcoming Hard Feelings

Instead of dismissing the hard feelings, what if we welcomed them? That’s the path to real resilience—not forcing a smile, but honoring the full spectrum of being human. Nobody is immune to pain or hardship. Some pains are “small,” some are immense. But pain is personal—and that makes it valid. We can’t heal what we’re not willing to feel.

Once I understood that some forms of positivity are forced and not natural, I stopped pretending. I stopped minimizing pain—mine or others’. Now I say things like:

• “I’m so sorry this is hard.”

• “I’m here for you.”

• “I may not fully understand, but I care.”

  
  

Because I’ve never regretted holding space for someone’s pain. But I have regretted rushing them—or myself—into false cheerfulness.

The Power of Authentic Connection

I noticed that when people say those same words to me, I breathe easier. I feel seen. I don’t need to shut down, wear a mask, or pretend everything’s fine. Yes, I may still feel grief, anger, or frustration. Yes, I’m aware worse things are happening in the world. But those two truths can coexist. Acknowledging my pain doesn’t negate someone else’s—it actually helps me be more compassionate toward both.

Resilience: A Journey Through Pain

Resilience doesn’t mean denying difficulty. It means walking through it—with honesty, grace, and emotional truth. I wrote this because I believe it’s crucial for our mental health and for creating spaces where others can stay whole, healthy, and sane too. Let’s stop bypassing pain with platitudes—and start holding space for real healing.

🔬 Want the research behind this?

• Toxic positivity is a term widely used in psychology to describe the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of authentic human emotional experience (Quintero & Long, 2020).

• Emotional suppression has been linked to increased anxiety, depression, and physical illness. Research shows that acknowledging and labeling emotions actually reduces their intensity (Lieberman et al., 2007, Psychological Science).

  
  

The Importance of Emotional Honesty

Emotional honesty is vital for our well-being. When we allow ourselves to feel and express our emotions, we create a healthier environment for ourselves and those around us. This practice can lead to deeper connections and a greater understanding of one another.

Building a Supportive Community

Creating a supportive community involves encouraging open conversations about feelings. It means fostering an environment where vulnerability is welcomed. When we share our struggles, we not only validate our experiences but also invite others to do the same.

Conclusion: A Call to Action

Let’s commit to embracing our emotions, both positive and negative. By doing so, we can cultivate resilience and foster genuine connections. Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. Let’s hold space for each other and prioritize emotional well-being.

Good to be human with you today!

Ozlem Brooke Erol